episode archives

   season five
   season four
   season three
   season two
   season one

   e-mail rts


   cast bios
   best & worst 1
   best & worst 2
   best & worst 3
   best & worst 4
   best & worst 5


Best & Worst Article 2
Last Week's Reader Poll Results:

Best Couple:

60%     Bobby and Pam
25%     J.R. and Sue Ellen
5%     Ellie and Clayton
2%     Christopher and Karen
2%     Sly and Wade
2%     John Ross and Melissa
2%     Donna and Ray


Worst Couple:

24%     Cliff and Lucy
20.6%     Cliff and Afton
13.7%     Donna and Ray
10.3%     Cliff and Jamie
10.3%     Neil and Lucy
10.3%     Sue Ellen and Jack
6.8%     Ellie and Clayton
3.4%     John Ross and Karen


Most Entertaining:

73.6%     J.R. and Sue Ellen
15.7%     Bobby and Pam
2.6%     Neil and Lucy
2.6%     Christopher and Karen
2.6%     Cliff and Afton
2.6%     Cliff and Lucy




And now this week's article...

Couple-based Events

A successful couple cannot exist in a void. A fan fiction site shows its readers all aspects of a successful pairing, from the smaller moments to major milestones. My focus for this article will be on those major milestones that can occur between two characters: weddings, reunions, reconciliations- and breakups.

Here are my picks for the following categories:

Best Wedding: Lucy Ewing and Neil Lancaster

Lucy and Neil's wedding could take this award simply based on the fact that they actually finished the ceremony as husband and wife- at a Southfork wedding, no less. As it happens, though, this event had much more than that in its favor. Let's review:

Something old: Tradition, served Southfork style. Moments before the ceremony began, Lucy's friends and relatives threw her an impromptu shower, then quickly followed that by providing Lucy with gifts in the "old, new, borrowed and blue" tradition. All the gifts were appropriate, and their presentation to Lucy was well-done. Lucy even managed to crack a joke or two- as only she can- mere minutes before the ceremony was to begin, after Cally presented her with a portrait of Lucy and Neil (something new).

Something new: The beginning of one relationship, the first threat to another- and a new twist on bringing a wedding to a screeching halt. It was at this wedding that Todd first met Janice Kelly, and was instantly smitten. It was also on this occasion that the first threat to Sue Ellen and Jack's relationship came to light, as Jack's insecurity about the relationship came to the surface after Sue Ellen asked him to sell her his share of Ewing Oil. The real shock came, though, as Neil offered up a rather unconventional answer to the standard question, "Do you take this woman..." Fortunately, his answer did not prevent the wedding from continuing (although I suspect his imminent bride was not the only person present who was ready to throttle him after that display...)

Something borrowed: Characters from Knots Landing. As often as DALLAS characters used to visit Knots Landing during the TV run of each series, a visit in the other direction was long overdue. Besides Lilimae, Lucy's wildly entertaining grandmother, and Betsy, Lucy's younger sister, Lucy's wedding was the first RTS appearance of Karen MacKenzie, Val's best friend in Knots Landing. It was a particularly poignant moment- and an excellent use of KL's rich history- when Karen explained the fate of her first husband, Sid Fairgate, before presenting Lucy with her borrowed present- the gold bracelet Sid had given her on their wedding day.

Something blue: Chris Ewing, who seemed a distant observer at this ceremony, due largely to his inability to connect with his wife, Karen, as well as his own budding addiction to alcohol- and the Ewing swimming pool. (All right- I know water is actually colorless; hopefully you'll allow me to indulge in a touch of symbolism...) Afton's wheelchair was parked right along the edge of the pool, when without warning, Lilimae's attempt to corral Clayton into a dance threw both of them into Afton's chair- and Afton herself into the pool. Afton's survival instinct kicked in as she made her way to the surface. It wasn't until Lucy observed, rather dryly, that Afton was able to stand on her own, that Afton realized that her plan to fake paralysis (done to win back her ex-husband, Cliff) had just gone- er, belly-up.

Overall, Lucy and Neil's wedding was a solidly constructed affair. (The marriage itself is another matter- but that's another article altogether...)

Worst Wedding: Cliff Barnes and Afton Cooper

It strikes me as odd- especially when compared to extravaganzas such as Lucy's wedding to Neil (himself an RTS creation), or Bobby and Pam's first attempt at matrimony during the RTS run- just how fleeting Cliff and Afton's wedding in the fourth season cliffhanger (no pun intended) really was.

Only two scenes were devoted to this wedding. The first scene featured Pam attending Afton as her maid of honor. Pam was understandably distracted, having fought with Bobby earlier in the episode about his decision to leave town for his own personal reasons. (Actually, Rex Wentworth forced him to make that call- but I digress...) The bride-to-be, however, was inexplicably compelled to devote a part of her wedding day to calling- and threatening- Neil Lancaster, a man to whom she had previously shown no connection. Worse, the threats made by Neil lent a dark cloud to what should have been one of the happiest days of her life.

Stranger yet was the second scene, which was only a few lines in length- and that was devoted to the ceremony itself! That seemed like such a waste for a couple of such- er, history (we're being tactful here...). Moreover, the ceremony gave little sense of any real guests in attendance, aside from Pam and Christopher. Eric's absence was clear enough, if a bit strange, having recently revealed himself as Cliff's son. (He was in Pennsylvania, unwittingly assisting Karen in the kidnapping of the child she had given up for adoption.) However, the inferred absences of Mitch (Afton's brother), and especially of Pamela Rebecca (Cliff and Afton's daughter!) were particularly glaring.

It's a shame that more attention wasn't lavished on this wedding, since Cliff and Afton are both such core characters on RTS. Then again, as short as it was, the wedding actually ended up outlasting the marriage, since the discovery of Jamie Ewing Barnes in Mexico invalidated the union...



Best Reunion: Pamela Barnes Ewing and Bobby Ewing

Considering that these two had spent over a decade apart from each other- with Bobby believing that Pam was dead for most of that time- a reunion between the two of them could not fail to be less than pure magic. Fortunately, RTS delivered a beautifully written reunion for the couple.

After a brief interruption (in which Bobby almost killed J. R. for his alleged role in Pam's years of imprisonment), Pam and Bobby's eyes met- and the rest of the world seemed to disappear for them. Bobby's thoughts of taking a hot shower were heightened as Pam offered to join him. The couple retired to Bobby's bedroom- but they didn't quite make it into the shower, as they finally gave in to their passion for each other.

In the afterglow, Pam and Bobby took turns describing to each other what life had been like without the other person. This couple has always shared an honest rapport with each other, and a decade apart had done nothing to diminish that rapport. Bobby told Pam about his relationships with other women, particularly April Stevens. Pam revealed that although her plastic surgeon had been interested in her, she had not dated anyone during their time apart. (Of course, we know differently now- but at the time, Pam had blocked out her marriage to Mark Graison.) Then, Pam asked Bobby point blank about Switzerland, and his feelings for Jenna. (Jenna had given Pam a strange look before leaving the couple alone earlier.)

With a typical couple, the partner with a secret would deny any untoward feelings whatsoever, and the subsequent revelation of that secret would be the driving force for a subsequent breakup. Not with this pair. Bobby was almost brutally honest as he told Pam the entire story of his adventures in Switzerland with Jenna- including their kiss and declaration of love for each other. Naturally, this revelation initially hurt Pam, although at the time, Bobby hadn't known that she was alive. In the end, though, Bobby was able to reassure Pam that while he had loved Jenna at one point, Pam was the love of his life, and always would be.

This reunion was everything that RTS fans had been waiting for years to see happen- and more.

Worst Reunion: Ray Krebbs and Donna Dowling

At first, it started out beautifully. During the second season, Ray had imagined that he had seen Donna on board the Oil Baron's Ball cruise. In fact, she was on board; Donna surprised the Ewings at the Oil Baron's Ball with her plans to rename a section of highway within Dallas in honor of Jock Ewing. As Ray and Donna reconnected at the Ball, the subsequent ribbon cutting ceremony for the highway and the Halloween party at Southfork, it became clear that these two still felt an emotional connection to each other.

Then, two weeks after the Halloween party, Ray and Donna spent the night together- and my jaw dropped.

This move seemed wildly out of character for both Ray and Donna. Granted, Ray had finally come to the conclusion that his marriage to Jenna was over before Donna's return to Dallas. However, Jenna had committed suicide on Halloween night- which means that at the time of this "union", Ray had been a widower for a mere two weeks. Regardless of the connection Ray and Donna share, it seems improbable to me that Ray would be so callous as to push aside his memories of his life with Jenna like this- even if the more recent memories were not pleasant ones.

I was really thrown, though, by Donna setting aside thoughts of her current husband like this. Donna had revealed to Ray that Senator Dowling was gravely ill, and had only a few more months to live. While I empathized with her situation, I found this marital lapse from such a morally upright person simply too hard to swallow.

Don't get me wrong; I enjoy the pairing of these two together. It's just that the circumstances of their physical reuniting seemed to create plot at the expense of character. (No wonder Lucas went wild when Ray introduced him to Donna...)

Best Reconciliation, Take One: Ray Krebbs and Donna Dowling

Surprised? So was I- only this time, pleasantly so.

Ray and Donna became estranged as the result of her bid for mayor of Dallas (which she won) and his affair with Jenna Evans, a virtual twin of his late wife, Jenna (whom- um, he didn't win..) Actually, Jenna was planted by J. R. in his bid to obtain some stock from Ray for business purposes. Understandably, none of that mattered to Donna; all she knew was that Ray had cheated on her. Even after Jenna left Dallas to start over, it seemed unlikely that these two would ever feel the same way about each other again.

Then, the news of Donna's secret abortion was leaked to the press. (Guess who was responsible for that? I'll tell you later...)

Ray was very supportive of Donna in her hours of need in the days following the leak. He was by her side as she explained the circumstances of her abortion to the stunned but supportive Ewing clan. He was there to help her deal with the death threats she began to receive after the news of her abortion became public knowledge, and was largely responsible for convincing her not to resign. Through the ordeal, the two slowly started to find their way back to each other.

Once Donna decided she was ready to try again with Ray, she decided she had to reveal the one thing she hadn't mentioned to the rest of the family: Bobby was the father of the baby she'd aborted. Ray was understandably thrown by the revelation. (So was Bobby, who had overheard Donna making her confession.) Instead of turning tail, though, Ray stood by Donna- and in a nicely written scene, the couple finally agreed to leave behind all the lying and misdeeds of the past, and start their relationship anew.

I'll admit that I was a little worried that Ray was still bothered, somehow, about Donna's revelation- and I would have appreciated seeing this point fleshed out a little more. Otherwise, though, this reconciliation was well-handled. Longtime fans of Donna and Ray must have been pleased recently when the couple announced that they had eloped at the most recent Ewing barbecue. Better yet is the delicious irony of the person indirectly responsible for engineering this reconciliation by revealing Donna's secret: J. R., who had previously played a major role in their earlier breakup. (Of course, it can't happen all of the time on a soap- but don't you just love it when good does triumph over evil?)

Best Reconciliation, Take Two: Pamela Barnes Ewing and J. R. Ewing

Not every couple-based event need be based on a romantic pairing. This was just one example of an event centered on a platonic pairing- and a bizarre one, at that.

When Pam came back to Dallas, she was convinced that J. R. was the mastermind behind the scheme that had kept her imprisoned in a sanitarium for eleven years. Only on Halloween night did she discover the truth (or at least, one version of it- the actual story would be revealed later): Jenna Wade and Katherine Wentworth, Pam's half-sister- not J. R.- had worked together to orchestrate her removal from Dallas.

This meeting of the minds came out of nowhere. In a short, simple scene in the premiere of the third season, Pam encountered J. R. and apologized for the accusations she had hurled his way, and for the general tension that had remained between them through the years since she had first joined the family. J. R. showed a maturity level of which I would never have previously considered him capable; he admitted responsibility for most of the tension that had formed the basis of their relationship. He also showed surprising compassion for Pam, as she expressed her worries of being unable to remember much of her time away from Dallas.

Even with this mutual breakthrough, though, I was not prepared for Pam suggesting an end to the long-running Barnes-Ewing feud- or J. R. agreeing to it. Yet it was a logical conclusion to the "Who sent Pam away?" mystery storyline. As an added bonus, J. R.'s enthusiastic reaction to the idea of ending the feud, and Bobby's reaction to seeing his brother and his then-girlfriend in the same room together, laughing uproariously, had me in stitches.

Of course, this reconciliation didn't last indefinitely (I mean, we ARE talking about J. R. here). Among other things, Pam threatened to kill him after she learned Donna's secret concerning her aborted child (a fact of which J. R. is still unaware). This one time, though, it was refreshing to see Pam and J. R. on the same wavelength, for a change.

Worst Reconciliation: Christopher Ewing and Karen Beam Ewing

These two have broken up and gotten back together so much, you almost need a scorecard to keep the timeline of their relationship straight. Generally, these milestones stand out among the more livelier moments in RTS history. Their skating reconciliation at a frozen Southfork pond, however, was more than a little baffling.

When Karen was released from a drug rehabilitation center (to treat her drug addiction), an emotional distance developed between the couple, fueled largely by Chris' alcoholism. The couple started lying to each other- Chris about his whereabouts one night (Melissa actually discovered him at a bar, drunk and about to be beaten up by some of the patrons, after being informed- falsely- that Megan was not his daughter, after all), and Karen about her plans one day (she had decided to volunteer at the hospital's cancer ward).

Things got worse after her new position prevented her from joining Chris for the Barnes Thanksgiving celebration. Chris attempted to talk to Karen about the growing distance between them, but Karen didn't think a problem existed, and sent him away.

Chris' only source of consistent comfort continued to be alcohol. Karen had suspected that her husband had some level of drinking problem. It was only when Chris created a drunken scene in front of her and Eric Stone (after he caught them in an embrace) that Karen actually saw the extent of Chris' alcoholism.

The couple reconciled along a frozen lake on the Southfork grounds. Unfortunately, the reconciliation seemed to skim over a number of details. What should have been a long discussion about the problems in their marriage was reduced to a series of one-liners. Karen called Chris on his alcoholism, he said he was trying to stop, and she stated that she hadn't been there for him- and that was pretty much the extent of any serious conversation between them.

Most of the scene was devoted to Karen's (admittedly funny) determination to get Chris out on the pond to indulge in her "secret passion", skating. While I have nothing against levity, this scene would have been better served if it had devoted more time to the couple confronting the serious problems in their marriage. As it stands, though, Chris and Karen's discussion came out as more of a summary than a resolution. (Then again, this "reconciliation" didn't really take hold, anyway: only a few more episodes later, Chris was off the wagon again, while Karen was on the run- with Eric Stone!- for kidnapping her biological child...)

Best Breakup: John Ross Ewing and Melissa McSween

Once John Ross saw fit to sleep with Angela McSween- Melissa's mother!- it was only a matter of time before these two would be history. Sure enough, RTS plotted an explosive breakup for the couple- literally. But maybe I'd better backtrack a little...

After a long and lively courtship (which included nearly perishing in a fire at a Southfork barn together- and, worse, dealing with Pamela Rebecca), Melissa discovered she was pregnant. John Ross' reaction to the news, however, was lukewarm at best. Only when Melissa gave birth to his son did John Ross begin to show an interest in the child he had conceived with her. By then, though, Melissa wanted nothing more to do with him or his family. (Melissa's labor had been prematurely induced after she discovered John Ross at the Barnes residence- midway through his wedding to Pamela Rebecca!)

Desperate, John Ross approached Angela about speaking to Melissa on his behalf. Well, actually, at first he tried to blackmail her; he'd overheard a conversation between her and one of her lovers. (Her husband, Trevor, was paralyzed in an accident years earlier which had left him impotent.) When Angela refused to give in to that, though, John Ross raised the stakes; he offered himself to Angela in return for her help in convincing Melissa to allow him to take part in his son's life. She accepted his offer- and his living nightmare really began.

Thanks to the intervention from Angela- and from Christopher, who was able to offer Melissa a male perspective of the situation- Melissa agreed to give John Ross the chance to be T.J.'s father. She surprised John Ross even more by agreeing to give their own relationship another try: she proposed to him, and he accepted. His happiness with this new arrangement was tempered, though, by the "deal" he had made with Angela, which in the weeks leading up to his wedding would hover over him like a black cloud.

Ultimately, John Ross realized that he couldn't live with the guilt he was feeling; he decided to tell Melissa the truth about his deal with Angela. (Of course, he couldn't have said anything before their wedding day. On reflection, though, I suppose John Ross should get a little credit for coming clean at all; after all, he could have gone to his grave with this secret...) Unfortunately for him, Melissa did not take the news well; I could practically hear the slap Melissa delivered to John Ross' face. Melissa expressed pure rage as she told him their relationship was over- for good, this time. She then fled from Southfork, leaving John Ross to explain to his guests that the wedding would not happen that day after all.

As if to drive the point home for John Ross, Melissa made secret arrangements with her Uncle Harry before leaving town with her son. As Melissa and her son made their way to an undisclosed destination, her uncle's plane exploded over the Caribbean Sea. Only Harry and Trevor McSween (who was informed of his wife's "extracurricular activities") know that Melissa and T. J. were not on that exploding plane; this was Melissa's parting "gift" to her mother and ex-fiance. (And I thought I liked having the last word...)

Worst Breakup: Jack Ewing and Sue Ellen Ewing

I must admit that I had mixed thoughts about this pair when they first got together. I decided to ride along with the story, though, just to see where RTS would take the couple. Over the next few episodes, I began to see some real potential for this couple. Yet I wasn't all that broken up when RTS decided to break them up, since they were not together for all that long. I did have a little trouble with the execution, though.

Indeed, I expected Sue Ellen's quest for Ewing Oil to be the driving force in this breakup. They argued at Lucy and Neil's wedding after Sue Ellen asked Jack to sell his shares of Ewing Oil to her. The pair weathered this conflict just fine, though; Jack decided to just sell his shares of Ewing Oil and be done with it, and Sue Ellen convinced him that the shares had nothing whatsoever to do with her feelings for him. Oddly enough, it was Jack's good intentions which caused this pair to break up- and therein lies the rub.

Sue Ellen decided that J. R. might be responsible for Cally's recent strange behavior. (She was right; J. R. wanted Cally shown mentally incompetent so that he could gain sole custody of Justin.) When she shared her suspicions with Jack, he decided to do a little detective work to help Sue Ellen prove her suspicions.

By staking out Ewing Oil, Jack was able to connect J. R. to Dominique, the woman J. R. had hired to engineer Cally's breakdown. He introduced himself to her (as Jake) in an attempt to get her to admit her activities (he was carrying a concealed tape recorder), but Dominique's interest in speaking to him cooled off after he admitted he wasn't interested in a casual affair, so he ended up with nothing.

Jack persevered, though, and set up another date with Dominique at her hotel. By then, Dominique was determined to seduce Jack. She managed to distract him long enough to drug his drink; Jack was unable to resist as Dominique led him to her hotel bedroom for a night of passion.

Jack was horrified at his unintentional betrayal of Sue Ellen; he was also furious with Dominique, and was determined to return the favor. He obtained some sodium pentathol (truth serum) and injected Dominique with it, then proceeded to get a full confession from her on tape. He forgot to stop taping the conversation, however, until after Dominique had mentioned their night together.

Are you still with me? Excellent. Actually, until now, the storyline was quite absorbing. It was at this point that reality took a slight detour.

Not long after Jack extracted this confession from Dominique, Sue Ellen was running late for a meeting at the Clifford Group, and could not find her own tape recorder. She decided to search Jack's office for his recorder, and thereby found the tape- which at this point was still just as incriminating to Jack as it was to J. R.

Frankly, this entire scenario was asking us to suspend too much disbelief. Wouldn't Jack have erased the incriminating portion of the conversation from the tape? Moreover, even if he did forget to do so, would he really leave such an explosive bit of evidence lying around in his office- no matter how well-hidden? As for Sue Ellen, it was more than a little hard to believe that neither she nor her secretary had a tape recorder available to use- or that she couldn't just ask another secretary for one.

Jack walked in on Sue Ellen just as she had finished listening to the tape. Sue Ellen was understandably furious with Jack for his betrayal, however unintentional it may have been; after all, Sue Ellen had gone down this road too many times before (primarily with J. R.- although Don Lockwood also strayed, ending their marriage). In an emotional confrontation fairly crackling with tension, Sue Ellen took custody of the tape (which she would later use on Cally's behalf to end J.R.'s bid for full custody of Justin), and informed Jack that she never wanted to see him again.

RTS did create an interesting pair in Jack and Sue Ellen- interesting enough to make us care when it was decided to break the pair up. It's just a shame that the road which led them there was a little too hard to swallow.

IT'S YOUR TURN

It's long past time for me to shut up, don't you think? Now we want to hear from you. Step down to the voting box below and tell us what couple-based events were your favorite and least favorite- and why:

Which of these is your favorite RTS wedding?

Pam and Bobby's hospital wedding
Bobby and Pam's explosive Southfork almost-wedding
Donna and Ray's elopement
Lucy and Neil's Southfork wedding
Cliff and Sue Ellen's almost-wedding

Other (write-in)



Who gets your vote for worst RTS wedding?

Pam and Bobby's hospital wedding
Bobby and Pam's explosive Southfork almost-wedding
Donna and Ray's elopement
Lucy and Neil's Southfork wedding
Cliff and Sue Ellen's almost-wedding

Other (write-in)



Who had the best reunion?

Pam and Bobby
Donna and Ray
Chris and Karen
Jack and Jamie

Other (write-in)






Before I wrap this up, I'd like to send holiday wishes out to all of you. May you all have a safe and Merry Christmas, and a joyous New Year.

Next time: I'll be in the mood to talk about geometry- RTS style, of course. Look for my "polygon" issue of this retrospective as I examine Return to Southfork's best- and worst- triangles and quadrangles.

Hope to see you then...

The Phantom Reporter

Welcome to Return to Southfork, a fan-created web-series dedicated to continuing the popular 80s primetime series, Dallas.

The RTS page premiered on April 11, 1998 and a little over a month later, episode one, The Return to Southfork was posted. The series ended in 2002, after 137 episodes.

We would like to thank all of you readers who have kept the memory of RTS alive over the years. RTS can now be reached here if you would like to send any comments.